Chapter 4: Don’t Give Up on God, Because He Hasn’t Given Up on You

⁶“...He who has begun a good work in you
will carry it on until the day of Christ Jesus.”
(Philippians 1:6b NIV)

Whether you believe it or not, the idea of God giving up on us is equivalent to God giving up on His own Son.  For God to throw in the towel and wipe His hands clean of us it would mean that sending His only begotten Son to suffer and die for us on the cross would have been in vain (John 3:16 NIV).  God knows that through believing in His Son we may have life and have it more abundantly (John 10:10b NKJV).  Jesus died so that we could cast our cares on Him (Psalms 55:22 NIV) - cast your shame, cast your guilt, cast your disappointments, your anger, your sadness and depression on Him.  Don’t let his death and resurrection be in vain.  He went to the cross for us so we wouldn't have to live with all those feelings.

The best thing for you to do for yourself when you’ve been disappointed, mistreated or wronged is to continue to become a better you.  Don’t get stuck on the pain and the hurt and the anger and unforgiveness.  That’s what the devil wants you to do.  Purpose to continue to become a better you.  And the only Way, the only legitimate, everlasting Way to become a better you is to grow and develop in God’s love.    Unfortunately though, when hurts and disappointments come, chances are that you learned to develop a false sense of self confidence and worth that will force you to give yourself to the first man that winks his eye at you to ‘help’ mask the feeling of rejection.  Or go shopping with money you can’t afford to spend hoping to find an outfit or shoes that will make you feel worth it.  Or consume yourself with alcohol and/or drugs to ‘lift your spirits’ in attempt to convince yourself and the world that you are ‘okay’.  These are all temporary solutions that more than likely will have adverse effects, such as physical deterioration, mounting debt or an ‘unplanned’ pregnancy.  

There is nothing wrong with feeling anger, sadness or even depression - we are humans and we have emotions. The key to having our emotions is to not allow the emotions to have us (Joyce Meyer; Pastor Creflo Dollar).  Don’t stay in those emotions and make them take over, don’t let them become you.  You are a godly being made, formed and created in His Image (Genesis 1:26-27 NIV; Psalms 139:13-14 NIV) .  Therefore, only the fruits of the spirit - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23 NASB) - should ABIDE [dwell, reside] in you.  Negative emotions, such as anger, bitterness, depression, jealousy, lack of self-control and unforgiveness, are not of God and will move us further away from His will and His love if we allow them to control us (Pastor Creflo Dollar).

Whatever has you stuck right now,  acknowledge it, then let it Go and let God work in your life.  When it gets rough, RUN TO HIM.  When you feel faint, CALL OUT TO HIM.  When you feel you can’t make it, LEAN ON HIM.  And when you have fallen and feel that you will never get up, HE WILL CARRY YOU.  You are NOT a failure or a screw up.  Neither you nor your child(ren) are mistakes because God doesn’t make mistakes.  Know that without God, there would be no you and there would be no baby.  You and “Mr. Man” might have engaged in the act but God made the necessary connections to form a baby in your womb.  You are meant to be here and so is your child because GOD SAID SO and you can’t argue with that. 

Stay Focused!  To understand your purpose [destiny, calling] in life, you need to know the purpose [blueprint, plan] for your life.   Read your Manual - The Bible.  God’s Word will show you how to piece everything together in your life so that you can function and be successful at your full potential.  Don’t let every little (or big) emotion, feeling or let down direct your path.  Remember Peter, the disciple, who stepped out of the boat onto the water, on faith, but began to sink when he took his eyes off of Jesus (Matthew 14:22-33 NIV).  Collect yourself and refocus.  Keep your eyes, heart and mind focussed on Him.  He won’t let you down and He will not let you drown.  As long as you stay focused on Him.

In His Presence Declarations

¨ God Hasn’t Given Up On Me
¨ I Will NOT Give up on God
¨ I am NOT a Failure
¨ I am NOT a Mistake
¨ I am FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY Made (Psalms 139:14 NIV)
¨ I Have Control Over My Emotions
¨ I am Governed by the Fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23 NASB)
¨ My Child(ren) is a Blessing
¨ My Child(ren) is a Gift from God (Psalms 127:3 NIV)
¨ I Will Forgive, Let it Go and Let God

Chapter 3: With God, ALL Things ARE Possible

²⁶ Jesus looked at them and said, “With man
this is impossible, but with God all things
are possible”.
(Matthew 19:26 NIV)

With God, the sky is not the limit, it is only the beginning.  I want to encourage you not to give up on your dreams.  If you’re in a slump or feeling like life is never going to change, understand that your destiny has never changed, your dreams have never left, they are only on hold.  If you still want to go back to school, you can do it!  If you still want to open your own business, you can do it!  If you still want that dream job, you can achieve it!  If you still want to travel, you can do it.  If you still want to buy that house or car, you can do it!  If you still want a husband, he will come!  Peace.  Be still and know that He is God and that He ALWAYS has your best interest at heart.  Seek first the Kingdom of God and His Righteousness and ALL good things shall be added unto you (Matthew 6:33 NIV).

When I got pregnant at 18, I became plagued with the feeling of shame, disappointment and anger.  I felt like I had really messed up.  Prior to my 14^th birthday, I had big dreams.  I wanted to be a teacher (or a lawyer), I wanted to adopt children in need, write books and open my own community center.  But, when I started high school, I got distracted and started on a path FAR from the right path.  Shortly before I got pregnant, I remember being in one of my fits of madness and telling my parents I had no intention of going to University.  I think they thought I had lost my mind (which I had) because they knew just as well as I did that I had great potential and  would be wasting my life if I didn’t go to university.  They told me that attempting to get through life without a proper education was not an option, but I didn’t care what they said.  I was ‘grown.’  Thank God my rebellion was no match for my Heavenly Father.  

I know now that God allowed me to get pregnant to force me back onto the right path because the path I was on was reckless endangerment, comparable to a car going down a steep hill with no brakes.  The devil knew I had Greatness in me and he was trying to take me out.  So, God allowed me to get pregnant so I would get back on track.  He knew my heart.   At that point in my life, abortion or adoption would not be the options for me because I needed my daughter more than she needed me and God knew that.  My pregnancy seemed like a mistake, but God doesn’t make mistakes.  

Needless to say, I started university the following year after her birth and I’d be lying if I said it was easy.  It wasn’t.  But, I knew deep down inside that I wasn’t a failure and I could not fail her.  She needed to see the Greatness in me so she could recognize the Greatness in herself.  I had to make a complete turnaround and focus on making it all right for her and for me.  That doesn’t mean that I miraculously ended up on the straight and narrow, definitely not, because I tried almost everything under the sun to fill the void, shame, confusion and unforgiveness I was carrying in my spirit since her conception.  But His Greatness wouldn’t let me or my dreams die, even when I continued to mess up over and over again.

  

Eventually, thank God, almost 6 years after her birth, I reached the point that I had had enough.  Enough of the pain, enough of the disappointments, enough of the heartbreak, enough of the anger, enough of the selfishness, enough of ‘life’ according to the world.  I wanted more, I needed more, for myself and my daughter because I was starting to sink again.  But with God, all things are possible.  We fail in achieving our desires and reaching our potential when we trust ourselves and man more than we trust God.  But God is not man, therefore He doesn’t lie (Number 23:19, Psalms 118:8 NIV).  He’s not the man that you met at the club that promised you he would love you and ended up cheating on you.  He’s not the mother or father who was supposed to cherish you but instead neglected and abused you.  He’s not the friend that smiled with you everyday since you were five years old only to turn around and stab you in the back twenty years later.  And He is definitely not the man that you had sex with that wanted you to get pregnant, promised to take care of you, to be there for you, love you through it all only to turn around and break your heart.  That wasn’t God so don’t lower Him to man’s status and standards.  Trust in Him in ALL you do and lean not on your own understanding.  Acknowledge Him in ALL you do and He will direct your path (Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV). 

My biggest fault during my attempts to ‘fix’ my life was trying to control things that I had no control over.  Which resulted in more anger, more disappointment and more pain.  I had to learn what it truly meant to let go and trust God.  And I’m still learning, everyday.  Whether its with your children, your finances, your health, your relationships, your shelter, your food or clothing (Luke 12:22-31, Matthew 6:25-34 NIV).  Trust in Him.  He always makes a way for those who truly believe His Word and allow Him to work in their life.  Because with Him, ALL things are  possible.

In His Presence Declarations

•  With God, ALL things are possible
• God is FOREVER Faithful.  He does NOT Lie
• I WILL Trust God with ALL my Heart
• I WILL NOT Give up on my Dreams
• God has a Plan for My Life.  And it’s ALL Good.
• I Will Take the Limits OFF of God (2 Corinthians 9:8 NIV)

 

Chapter 2: You ARE Going to Make It

Everyone and everything goes through seasons.  There is a time for every activity under the Heavens.

(Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 NIV)

Don’t let your current circumstances determine your life’s destiny.  The feelings you are having and your situation is temporary so you might as well make peace with what’s going on around you.  Rest assured.  Soon the child(ren) will get older, become more independent and (should) become less dependent on you.  Also, you won’t always feel like you’re struggling financially because eventually you will be back to a place in your life that will present you with the opportunity to return to school and/or work longer hours or move to a better career.  Life won’t always feel miserable or unjust.  So I encourage you to STAY FOCUSED on God. 

Some woman can’t have children, some women have children with serious illnesses, some women have lost their child before birth, some have lost their child after birth, some women are told that their child won’t see their next birthday.  I encourage you to count your blessings, not your cares (Psalms 55:22 NIV).  Thank God for the things that are going well in your life instead of focusing on the things that aren’t going exactly as you thought they should or as you would have wanted.  Funny enough, I was watching the movie Ratatouille (2007) with my kids and was inspired by the statement made to Remy, the rat: “If you focus on what you left behind, you won’t be able to see what lies ahead.”

Don’t wait for the last minute to think about your next steps in life or how you plan to develop in His Image to obtain His best for you.  The battle isn’t yours, it’s the Lord’s (2 Chronicles 20:15b).  And if you truly believe this in your heart, why worry?  I used to worry a lot and one day I heard someone say “Worrying is like trying to go somewhere on a rocking horse - it gets you no where”.  And ever since then I purposed in my heart to stop worry before it stops me.  You can’t move forward if you allow worry to keep you rocking in one place.  Just make peace your situation and keep moving forward.  

One of the most significant and relevant Word’s in my life is John 16:33 (AMP).  It reads: “I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]! For I have overcome the world.  [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you.]”.  In other words, God’s got it all under control and He has already told you you’re going to make it.  You’re going to win.  Just STAY FOCUSED.

In His Presence Declarations

 ¨ I’m Going to Make it
¨ I Will NOT Let My Current Circumstance Determine My Life’s Destiny
¨ I’m going to STAY FOCUSED on God
¨ I’m going to COUNT My BLESSINGS NOT My Cares
¨ The BATTLE is NOT Mine, It’s the Lord’s
¨ I’m a WINNER Not a loser
¨ My Trouble WON’T last always
¨ I WILL Be of Good Cheer!
¨ Weeping May Endure for a night But JOY comes in the Morning Light (Psalms 30:5b AMP)

 ¨ This Too Shall Pass

¨ I’m MOVING FORWARD

¨ The LORD is My Sheppard… I Want for NOTHING (Psalms 23:1)

¨ God is My STRENGTH (Psalms 73:26 NIV)

Chapter 1: There is GREATNESS In You

 ¹³ For you created my inmost being; you knit  me together in my mother’s womb. 

¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
(Proverbs 139:13-14 NIV)

 

Greatness is in you and you have also birthed Greatness.  Children are gifts from God (Psalms 127:3 NASB).  God chose you to bring your child(ren) into the world, no one else.  You belong to an Exclusive Club.  Just like every human being in the world has their own unique finger print, every human being in the world only has one mother.  Children may have many people that love them, but your importance as mother can never be denied. 

Bishop T.D. Jakes states that “God incubates your Greatness through your frustration”.  In other words, don’t curse your situation, don’t curse your children, don’t even curse their father.  If nothing else feels right about your circumstances, purpose to be the best mother you can be.  Being the best mother has nothing to do with finances, race and/or upbringing.  The quality of time spent with your child(ren) is far more priceless than quantity of time.

Speaking of Greatness, let’s talk about Mary, Jesus’ mother.  Based on society’s labels, she would have been considered a single mother because even though she was engaged to Joseph, she was not yet married.  One of the reasons God allowed Jesus to be conceived under those circumstances was to show the world that there is a right way and a wrong way to go about handling life, regardless of the situation.  I know it may seem as though Mary’s situation was different because she didn’t have a choice but to be impregnated, but that’s not true.  Mary had a choice.  God chose Mary because He searched her heart and knew that she wouldn’t deny Him.  We are all born with free will therefore Mary could have given the angel that visited her one hundred and one excuses for why it wasn’t good timing or a good idea for her to be pregnant and unwed, but she didn‘t.  Imagine if Mary had told the angel ‘I would love to help you out but I don’t have a nice house or a job to take on this extra responsibility right now  Plus, I don’t know what Joseph is up to.  We haven’t set a date yet, so I’m going to have to decline.’  Just imagine. 


So what does Mary have to do with you?  Well, think about it, God searched for Mary the same way the devil searches for you.  The devil sees your hurt and pain and lack of self respect and self-worth and he preys on it.  In comparison, God used Mary’s commitment and unwavering dedication to Him to ensure that the prophesy of Jesus Christ would be fulfilled.  Now, once the devil finds you, he seduces and deceives you, then comes over you with the lusts of the flesh (to emulate the same way God came over Mary with the Holy Ghost) provoking the desires of the heart.  Finally, based on your choices and the condition of your heart, each spirit will rest after conception.  One will reproduce God’s love and the other will attempt to reproduce the devil’s hate, bitterness and unforgiveness in the form of your seed if he knows you are reproducing on his principles, not God’s.   Because for every seed of righteousness that is reproduced the devil is trying to reproduce his own seeds of unrighteousness (Genesis 3:15 NIV). God has known this since Adam and Eve’s fall from grace and for this reason He sent his only begotten Son to die for our sins and shortcomings so that we and our seeds can be redeemed (2 Corinthians 5:21 NIV).

  

Now, because Mary did not deny God or fall into depression, relinquish her self-worth or become bitter based on her circumstances, she remained steadfast in God’s love and birthed (and nurtured) the Greatest Man to ever walk the earth.  She made a choice.  Similarly, we as mothers have a choice.  We can become bitter and angry based on our choices before and after conception and then choose to continue to work for the devil by helping him to raise his seed in an environment of hate, scorn, unforgiveness and misery.  Or we can repent, knowing that only God alone can create life and allow reproduction to occur.  And more importantly knowing that God can turn all things around for good for those who love Him (Romans 8:28 NKJV). 

Whether your child is 2, 6, or 26 years old, it’s never to late to rescue them from the claws of the devil.  It begins with you and your choice to walk in God’s love and to nurture God’s love in them, just like Mary, and to draw the Greatness out of them.  Mary was great and did a great work because she knew, even before it dawned on her what she had been called to do, that she had Greatness in her.  She wouldn’t have been able to reproduce His Greatness to His full potential otherwise.  She understood that she also had a destiny. 

If Mary’s story is to far-fetched for you to relate to your life, consider the Israel Houghton story (Courtesy of www.cbn.com):

  Israel’s mother was pregnant with him when she was 17 years old.  His mother is Caucasian and his father is African-American.  During the time she was pregnant there were still very significant racial issues in American society and Israel’s mother was encouraged by her parents to have an abortion.  She refused and ran off with Israel’s father.  During her pregnancy she ended up on drugs and the state threatened to take her baby upon birth.  To make matters worse, the relationship with Israel’s father ended when she was 8 months pregnant.  If it was not for a faithful follower of Christ that stopped Israel’s mother on the street and ministered to her, she may never have come to Christ and initiated the foundation for Israel’s success.  She didn’t turn her temporary failure into her permanent downfall.

Stop seeing your single motherhood as an opposition, a hindrance or weakness and embrace it as an opportunity to do great things.   Too often society wants to portray single mothers as weak, struggling, vulnerable and pitied.  But you are a child of God, royalty, therefore you should never take on what society thinks.  You are not an outcast.  Embrace your Greatness.  Some of the greatest and most influential people came from single mothers - did I mention Jesus?  How about Barack Obama? Dr. Ben Carson? Oprah Winfrey?  Don’t be ashamed.  Be empowered by Jesus Christ and get back on the right path.  The devil doesn’t want that.  That’s why he keeps you pregnant, distraught, tired, heartbroken and confused with words, thoughts and feelings of unrighteousness.   But I’m going to tell you the same thing the lady told Israel’s mother : “Jesus loves you.  You are not forgotten. You did the right thing.  It’s going to be all right.”

In His Presence Declarations

• Jesus Loves Me... even when I am wrong
• There Is GREATNESS In Me
• My Child(ren) and I Have A Destiny in Christ
• I Am NOT Forgotten
• I did the Right Thing
• It's Going to be Alright

Introduction

---

God called me to write this book not because I had the
answers but because I needed a solution. 

---

 

Pastor Creflo Dollar taught me that if you are looking for a way to heal yourself, start by reaching out and helping others heal first.  I’m not classified as a single mother anymore but I can assure you that I have been there, done that and sometimes still experience ‘single mother’ moments.  Although having a husband definitely takes the single-handed pressure off of many areas in life, it doesn’t mean that the children are miraculously going to act right and won’t drive you crazy… just because you have a ring on your finger.  It also doesn’t mean that your individual dreams and purpose in Christ disappear or are fulfilled the minute you say ‘I do’.  Your journey will continue. 

Bishop T.D. Jakes taught me that you can look at your circumstance as an opposition or an opportunity.  God will use your weaknesses to emphasize your strengths.  He will use your pain as a catalyst for your  purpose.  And He will use your opposition to create your opportunity.  So, I have challenged myself to turn every moment into a positive moment even if it may seem negative.  And I am extending the same challenge to you.  Choose to control your thoughts and emotions regarding your life by renewing your mind in Christ (Romans 12:2 NIV) instead of allowing your thoughts and emotions to have control over you.  Life and death are in the tongue (Proverbs 18:21 NIV) therefore if we think negatively and speak negatively, eventually we will see negative results in our life.  On the other hand, if we think positively and speak positively, our thoughts and words will come to fruition.  Call things into existence as though they were as you seek the kingdom of God knowing that all good things will be added unto you (Romans 4:17, Matthew 6:33 NIV).     

 When you are feeling overwhelmed, discouraged,

hurt or depressed...

SPEAK LIFE INTO YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES

(open you mouth and declare the Promises of God)

And stay In His Presence

- in the present -

Moment by Moment

        

  

In Tyler Perry’s movie Diary of a Mad Black Woman, the main character made a prophetic statement during her recovery from a painful divorce.  The gist of the statement was that living life one day at a time can be to much.  Sometimes Moment by Moment is all we can handle.  For that reason, be encouraged.  Meditate on His Word and be empowered by His Truths - Moment by Moment.

This book includes “In His Presence Declarations” that I encourage you to meditate on when negative thoughts bombard you.  The devil’s job is to steal, kill and destroy every positive aspect of your life.  But rest assured that the devil’s assignment on your life can not compare to God’s Promises for your life.  The devil will never win unless you don’t fight (Tyler Perry’s Daddy’s Little Girls).   Fight the negative thoughts in your mind with the Word of God.  Find comfort, peace and joy in His Presence.