I, (your name), take you (“Mr. Wonderful”), to be my
husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for
better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in
health, to love and to cherish, from this day forward until
death do us part.
(Excerpt from Finding Me, In His Image)
In opposition to what society has taught you or what you have learned from observation, know that the actual purpose of marriage is to develop yourself and to advance the Kingdom of God by reproducing godly seed through your children and/or ministry. Therefore, if your intentions for marriage don’t line up with God’s purpose for marriage, chances are you will get married, be miserable and/or inconsistently happy and possibly end up divorced. If you think I’m exaggerating, check out the current divorce rate. It is a common misconception that marriage will miraculously change things in the relationship for the better. But, I think it actually makes things worse, at least at first, especially when you marry for the wrong reasons.
If your desire to be married is driven by your want for someone to take care of you, love you, grow old with you, have children with you, provide security, validation or status, share life with you, someone to come home to and make you happy then prepare yourself to fight almost everyday to maintain those selfish desires. Because more than likely, chances are he has the same desires, from his own perspective. God’s love for one another is not about taking and what someone else can do for you, it’s about giving and what you can do for the other person. So unless you can fathom flipping everything on your ‘want’ list to your ‘everything I can be for you’ list, stop making marriage your first priority and get yourself together. Get yourself on the path to embracing God’s love before you make yourself available for marriage. It’ll save you a lot of time and heartache. Because if a piece of paper isn’t going to magically change you, how do you expect it to change him AND guarantee you a perfect life? You would be better off buying yourself a ring and throwing yourself a party than planning a wedding as your announcement for a disaster.
Marriage is a LIFE LONG commitment. Therefore, you shouldn’t even dare THINK of saying vows unless you can understand and grasp the concept of what they mean and symbolize as a guide for YOUR conduct in regards to your future husband. Based of my observation of what marriage has become, I have yet to understand when ‘until death do us part’ became code for ‘until you piss me off’ or ‘until you lose your job’ or ‘till you get really sick’ or ‘until you aren’t providing’ or ‘until I get lonely’ or ‘until that other guy with more money and time for me comes along.’ When did this happen?
They say the first few years of marriage are the hardest and I can attest to that. But it doesn’t have to stay like that, regardless of the circumstances. Marriage is made to develop you in every aspect of your life. Through marriage you will learn unconditional love, continuous forgiveness, unwavering loyalty, intentional selflessness, loving sacrifice and empowering submission. The devil knows that marriage is an essential piece in the advancement of God’s Kingdom so it has been under attack more so now than ever before. Reason being because of the power that a family, IN TACT and working together, can produce. If one person can put a thousand to flight and two people (ie. a married couple) can put ten thousand to flight, then a family will be a tremendous force to be reckoned with! (Deuteronomy 32:30 NIV; Pastor Creflo Dollar). And the devil knows this. If two shall agree on anything they ask for on this earth, it will be done for them by the God in Heaven (Matthew 18:19 NIV). But it has to be requested, and will be done, on the right foundation. So, you can either run from God’s purpose for marriage - to develop you and advance His Kingdom - or you can submit yourself to God, learn how to forgive (AND let go) and learn how to walk in love to reap the blissful benefits of a marriage, until death do you part.
God says ask and you will receive according to His Will for your life (Matthew 7:7-11 NIV; John 15:7 NIV; John 16:23-24 NIV). God wants you to share your life with a good man but more than anything, He wants a good man to FIND you (Proverbs 18:22 NIV). He hears your request and He will honour it, just not on your terms. So, stop looking. Just because you ask for “Mr. Wonderful” doesn’t mean he is going to drop from the sky and land on your front step tomorrow. God is TRYING to prepare you. You need to seek Him to understand what it means to be a good wife by walking in love before you can be blessed with a good man. If you don’t, chances are you will scare “Mr. Wonderful” off in the state that you’re in now or worse yet, you wouldn’t even know he was “Mr. Wonderful” if he did drop on your door step because your broken-and-worldly-self is still looking for things in a man that do not matter in the grand scheme of things. Think about it, almost everything you’re looking for has the potential to change in the blink of an eye ie. His looks, job, vehicle, body type, availability, his ability to provide, his ability to make you happy etc. And then what? You better be rooted and grounded in love, is what. The only thing you can depend on is God’s love because God is love and He is forever faithful, never changing and everlasting. The Word says what God has joined, let no man separate (Matthew 19:6 AMP) but that doesn’t only refer to external forces, (such as old girlfriends, financial strain or distance), it also refers to internal shortcomings ie. selfishness, jealousy, insecurity, laziness, lust etc. because to the world, all of those things are grounds for divorce. When a marriage is failing, it is because of a ‘heart’ problem. Your attitude/behaviour reflects the condition of your heart (Facing the Giants). Therefore if your attitude stinks, or you have a bad attitude, it is a reflection of the condition of your heart, not your environment or circumstances.
God wants you to get married. It is one of the purposes for man from day one. God said that “it is not good for man to be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him” (Genesis 2:18 KNJV, emphasis added). In other words, whatever you are seeking in a man should be reflected in you. But God knows your heart. So, if you haven’t met "Mr. Wonderful" as yet chances are that it’s because you are not ready. It could be because you’re still entertaining "Mr. Right Now", that you can’t seem to let go of, and God’s trying to save you because he’s not ‘the one’. If you have already forced the issue and you are engaged, already married, getting a divorce or divorced, don’t be discouraged. It’s not to late. Be honest with yourself, pray and ask God to show you your next steps to get back on His course. It’s up to you to chose, and stay on, the right path. You can either take care of most of your development now and make your marriage that much easier or you can wait until the day comes and make it that much harder.
God knows life can be hard and that temptation is real but He has equipped you with the tools you need and He hasn’t given you more than you can bear (1 Corinthians 10:13 AMP). For “he who deals wisely and heeds [God's] word and counsel shall find good, and whoever leans on, trusts in, and is confident in the Lord--happy, blessed, and fortunate is he” (Proverbs 16:20 AMP).
In His Presence Declarations¨ I Will Not Run from My Development
¨ I am Learning to be a Good Wife
¨ I Will Not get Discouraged
¨ God’s Plan is BETTER than My plan… ALWAYS
¨ I Will Depend and Trust in God’s Love
¨ I am Building the Right Foundation for My Marriage
¨ My Children and Husband will Call Me BLESSED (Proverbs 31:10-31 NIV)
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