Chapter 5: A Father to the Fatherless

⁵ A Father to the fatherless, a defender of 

widows, is God in His Holy Dwelling.

(Psalms 68:5 NIV)

Although you are able to be anything you want to be and do all things through Christ (according to His Laws), the one thing you can’t be, no matter how hard you try, is a man.  You may have male tendencies, you may even have male thought patterns but at the end of the day, you are still a woman.  Unfortunately, it has become all too common for single mothers to try to be mother and father in the household and family unit.  And though you as a woman can play both roles, it is impossible to be all things of something you are not.  You are a woman, you are a mother.  It is okay for you to be the nurturer and the disciplinarian, the homemaker and the provider, you can even be the cheerleader and the coach.  But you can’t be mother AND father.  It’s just not physically or physiologically possible.  You can be a representative for the father but you can’t play the role with justice without knowing or experiencing what it means or takes to be a man (He-Motions).  You are trying to raise your son and/or daughter with a tainted perspective of who you are and a tainted perspective of what it means to be a man.  So what do you do?  What’s the solution?

Firstly, admit that you need help.  God knows, women have been everything to everyone, on their own, for centuries but the question is why?  Is it pride?  Is it ignorance? Is it selfishness?  It surely isn’t because it HAS to be done because unless you live on some remote island somewhere, just you and your child(ren), help can be found anywhere (ie. community centres, neighbours, family, friends, church etc.)  Secondly, stop blaming the child(ren)’s father and cursing him to his face, behind his back and in front of the child(ren).  Just think about how devaluing it is for a child to hear that the other half of him/her is ‘good for nothing’ or ‘a loser’ or ‘worthless’ (He-Motions).  You can’t control him and he’s going to do what he wants to do regardless of how much you say or don’t say to him.  So let it go and preserve your child’s self-worth in the process.  Thirdly, and most importantly, give it to God.  He is the ultimate Father and He will be a Father to the ’fatherless’ (Psalms 68:5 NIV).  He will direct your path and show you how to raise your child(ren) in His Presence, whether there is a physical father in their life or not.  Also, He will send you a good, godly man to be a positive role model for your child(ren) in the form of an uncle, grandfather, friend, church member or a husband.  You just have to humble yourself, ask Him and be open to receive the help.  

Humility isn’t a sign of weakness, it is a sign of strength and wisdom.  Putting your pride and feelings aside to say ‘I need help’ could be the difference between your daughter growing up and longing for her father’s touch in every man she meets instead of knowing God’s Love and understanding her self-worth.  Or your son searching for acceptance from the father that rejected him in the wrong group of friends and ending up in jail instead of knowing that his acceptance and self-worth comes from God and he doesn’t have to prove himself to anyone.

A child needs a father-figure in their life just as much as they need their mother.  Don’t allow your hurt to blind you from the truth.  Allow God to play that role of the PERFECT FATHER in your life and your child(ren)’s life.  And whether there is a physical father present or not, they will be the icing on the cake.  God’s Fatherly Love will never disappoint you, it is forever faithful, it will never hurt you and it will always want what’s best for you.  Who could ask for anything more?  So, don’t hold back.  Consume yourself in God’s love.  Envelop your child(ren) in His love through you.  And feel His embrace that will never let you go, no matter what.

In His Presence Declarations

¨ I am NOT Alone

¨ We have a PERFECT Father - He never disappoints, never lets us down, He always provides and wants what's best for us

¨ God Will ALWAYS Embrace Me with His Love

¨ I will only THINK and SPEAK POSITIVE Words Regarding my Circumstances

¨ My Child(ren) will NOT Suffer for my Choices

¨ I Will Get to Know My Heavenly Father